Are you @#%^ing kidding me?

People think I am an overachiever. I work a lot, I volunteer a lot, I work out a lot, I socialize a lot, I have several degrees, I've changed careers, I have a couple of books published, triathlons, half-marathons... okay, I am an overachiever. I didn't used to be. I used to be a super-slack-tastic party animal but once I graduated from my undergrad degree and started working I got really ambitious. So, I went from slacker party girl to over-achieving party girl. It's fitting, then, that I spectacularly broke my ankle at a party. A Halloween party no less. In the best costume I've ever worn on my favorite holiday.

I didn't just break this bitch, either. I broke, dislocated, and tore ligaments to the point that I had to have surgery. 8 pins and a plate later, I am in a non-weight bearing cast for two months. And, I did this exactly four days after I was able to start running again from my last surgery. Talk about over-achieving! This couldn't be just a simple break that I could wear a walking cast or boot on. I'm in a 1960's era Frankenstein-footed plaster cast that weighs as much as my 5 year old nephew.Go big or go home, right?

Sorry for the requisite, gratuitous, swollen, busted up, disgusting ankle pic. Yes, that red spot is where my bone almost popped out. Ew. Ick. Cringe.

So, back to the Halloween party. I dressed up as a Roller Derby Chick, alias Veruca Assault, in a costume I made, wearing legit Roller Derby skates I bought on Amazon. I was a bad ass. I wish I was this bad ass in real life but that's what Halloween is for. (on that note: so why do so many women dress as sluts and men dress as women...anywhoo...). I even used makeup to give myself a black eye and body bruises over my fake tattoos. Did I mention overachieving?

Yeah, I know. Bad ass.

Icing my fake black eye with a Budweiser. Who's classy? This was fun to explain in the Emergency Room by the way.

As my darling husband and I were leaving the house, I said, "This is probably really dumb. The last thing I need is a broken ankle, ha ha ha." Oh, if this was literature this would be lovely foreshadowing. I don't believe in jinxing and that nonsense so before you tsk tsk tsk at me, I didn't bring this on by saying it.

We were at my neighbor's house at a very fun party. I had barely had a couple of drinks and as I was rolling out of the kitchen and looked back to kiss my adorable hubs, down I went and underneath and backwards went my foot. Snap went the ankle.

Busting out of my stripy tights. By the way, I was the only asshole in a Halloween costume in the Emergency Room. Can you believe that?

Denial. Ice. Emergency room. Ice. Splint. Ice. Painkillers. Elevated. Ice. Surgery. Elevated. Ice. Sitting on my ass. That's how the story ends for now. I am in a non-weight-bearing cast until the end of December. There is hope though! Next week I have an appointment to get my stitches out and hopefully get a waterproof cast so I can swim with the pull buoy. I am working on a getting a knee-walker (I know you're jealous) so that I can get around better and thankfully it's my left leg so I can drive eventually, when I go from Franken-cast to waterproof cast.Then I can do weights, and non-weight-bearing exercises until I can start running and doing bootcamp again.

Frankencast after voting. I waited in line for 45 minutes on my crutches with my husband as was more worn out than I was after the half-marathon.

Because I don't work at a desk, I am off work until the end of November and will go back to work December third. Rolling with my homies on my knee walker.

Behold my future. The knee-walker. Jealous?

I'll probably blog more since I all sorts of time on my hands, which if I think about it, really is a gift. I never have time so this is my silver lining. That, along with the fact that this is temporary, I did not hit my head, I have the most amazing husband who is taking the best care of me along with our families and friends who have rallied and helped us so incredibly much. I will keep finding the silver lining and try not to take too many pictures of my cats, eat too much, or go too psychotic.

The day after the accident. Fake tattoos, purple hair and all. Why is "I'm sexy and I know it" playing in my head?

 

 

Okay, these are the only picture of my cats I'll post. Because I have about 10,000 of them. Hey, I don't have anything else to do and they're cute, dammit. That, and they haven't left my side since I did this.

Fiona, protesting my leaving for surgery by camping in my overnight bag.

Tripod doing his best to make it all better.

Til next time. xo

Physical Therapy

I'm back in physical therapy. No, not that kind. I AM RUNNING AGAIN! I go to a psychologist every two weeks to do my mental workout, which always helps me stay focused on my goals, and I believe that physically working out is just another kind of therapy for me. Yes, it makes me strong and helps me lose weight, but it really does lower my stress level and make me feel so physically and mentally WELL. Why did it take me so long to figure this out? I guess I spent so many years feeling crappy (and not realizing it) that until I knew what it really felt like to feel well, I didn't know what I was missing. Well, I know now and thankfully I am able to run and do bootcamp again! Hooray!

Doing my "Yay for Running" cheer on the running path!

I went out for my first run yesterday and did just around 3 miles with my running buddy, Sue. Then I went out again this morning and did 4 miles on my own. Both times I walked a little, ran a little (but ran more than walked) and I was just so happy doing it. Don't get me wrong, it was hard as hell. My legs felt like lead, my breathing was terrible. Allergies, asthma and crazy warm weather probably didn't help that much but I still felt so happy to be running.


People always tell me, "I wish I loved running like you do." I don't love the actual act of running. I love ice cream. But I love what running does for me and that's why I persevere through every step. Listen, you don't have to love it to do it. I love how I feel afterwards and that makes it worth it. None of us are going to do anything that's not worth it. Not for long, at least.

And it doesn't have to be running. It can be anything...swimming, biking, bootcamp. I try to do it all, not just running. Running combined with my bootcamp class has been the key for me with my weight loss. That along with my therapy. But just because it works for me doesn't mean it will for you. You have to find something that you'll stick with and that works for your life. If it's doing workout videos in your basement at 4:00 a.m. before your kids are up, then do it. If it's doing an Ironman Triathlon, then do it. Whatever lights your torch, you know? Just do something!

If you do want to try running,  I recommend doing a Couch to 5K program...that's how I started! There are great free ones on the internet if you like to do it on your own or you can join a Walk to Run program, usually offered through your local running store, to join others who are doing the same thing. It's up to you and how you like to work out. I used to hate running with other people because it made me mental. Now, I look forward to seeing my running group every week and seeing my weight loss support group friends in bootcamp. I have some of my best work outs with both of them. It took me a while to get there, mentally, though. Once I got past the feeling that everyone was judging me (which they weren't, I was just judging myself.)

Now it's fun to run with friends!

So, in addition to getting my sweat on again (who knew I'd ever long to be my sweaty, red-faced, huffing mess that I am when I work out) I am working really hard to continue logging my food and get the last of this weight off. I've decided to work on losing 30 more pounds which will take me down to around 180. Once I make it there, then I'll reassess. When I first started this journey, I was looking at losing over 100 pounds. Boy was that daunting. Now that I am down 60, I am going to work on the rest of it in chunks, to get off the chunk. It seems less daunting that way and hey, when I get down to 180, I might just decide that I am actually happy there and then work on maintenance. Wow, I can't even imagine. But then again, I couldn't imagine half the stuff that I've accomplished in the last year. What's 30 stinkin' pounds? 

Please hold my calls while I slowly go insane...

Jack Torrance. Travis Bickle. Alex Frost. Annie Wilkes.

What do these characters and I have in common?

The slow descent into madness.

Mine isn’t fueled by manipulative ghosts, insomnia and violence, obsessive love or being any author’s number one fan. No, my lunacy is caused by no running! NO RUNNING! NO BOOTCAMP! NO LIFTING ANYTHING HEAVY! AGH!

See, I had this little surgery almost two weeks ago. I wish it was something glamorous like a tummy tuck (oh yeah, I’d do it if I could afford it…damn tootin’ I would) but in reality it was a blocked fallopian tube that I needed (in my doctor’s words) “roto-rootered out.” Pleasant visual, no? We’re trying to have a baby, as you well know by now, and this is hopefully going to help that plan.

So, for the greater good, or rather the sweet-little-baby-powder-scented-good, I had this surgery done. I can’t run, lift weights, do bootcamp or lift anything more than 20 pounds until next Wednesday. That’s next Wednesday as in 7 days, 8 hours and 30 minutes from now. Not that I’m counting or anything.

So. Here I stew in my own psychosis.

Who would have thought that a year ago, when I was cursing every time I squeezed myself into two sports bras and ill-fitted workout clothes that I would be longing (and I mean loooooonging) to strap on my running shoes and hit the pavement?

Mentally. Physically. Tight-Pants-and Crabby-Attitude-ly Crazy. I need to fucking run. Pardon the French. Annie Wilkes would call me a dirty-birdy and hobble me for that. Then I really wouldn’t be able to run for a while.

Anyway, those of you who see me on a regular basis, please excuse my nuttiness. And if I start talking about all work and no play makes Jenny a dull girl, well, call in the reinforcements.

In the meantime, I will walk endlessly on the treadmill, dreaming of sweating up a storm in bootcamp (my God, do I really miss doing an hour of bootcamp), and try not eat like the Titanic is going down.

I won’t boil any bunnies either. Well, unless I’m teaching rabbit in meats class.

Jenny Lamplough and the Half Marathon Race

I did it! I completed the Fox Valley Half Marathon today in 2 hours and 49 minutes! I came in well under the 3 hours I had planned and I am still standing! Well, not at the very moment. I am typing from my couch with lots of pillows, blankets and a couple of lazy cats. But I CAN still stand, which is awesome.

My beautiful medal!

 It was such an incredible race. First, I have to say that the organizers of this race did a wonderful job. It was so well organized, a beautiful course, tons of smiling and encouraging volunteers and ample aid stations. I actually skipped one because they were so plentiful! And then there were my personal cheerleaders, my beloved, Mike, his parents, my friend and hair stylist, Sarah, and my friends and neighbors, Jess, Dave, Olivia, Marty, Lily, Cate and Owen. It was something else and I felt so lucky to have them there.

Beautiful morning for a race!

Let me back up, though.

My girlfriend Meg came over Saturday for packet pick up and fun shopping at the Marathon Expo. I picked up one of those 13.1 stickers for my car that I have been coveting for years. I didn't dare put it on my car until after the race though! I didn't want to jinx myself!

Loud and proud!

We loaded up on carbs and watched Bridesmaids and Meg made me the most beautiful signs for my cheerleaders to hold up during the race. She is a teacher and they are on strike so I know that she's been missing poster board, markers and glitter so I think making those signs was as much for her as they were for me to see them!

Teachers make the best signs!

She always says, "You got this!" to me when we are doing something really hard like this race. She started it with Triathlon and it has just stuck with us. It's our little mantra.

We woke up at 5:00 a.m., got ready and, thanks to my darling husband, got dropped off at the race. It was cold this morning, but perfect running weather. Not so perfect standing around weather, but perfect once we started. My toes actually started to go a little numb while we were waiting to start and it was worrying me that they wouldn't get feeling back. Oh, they got feeling back. Painful, throbbing feeling by the end of the race. But feeling, nonetheless!

Meg and I (and her duck) at dawn, pre-race. Um, yeah, it was cold.

We were getting lined up for the run and ran into my running buddies Pat and Jill. Pat is one of the race organizers, designed the medals and the t-shirts and is one of the best running partners there is. I was so happy to see them both. Then we started lining up according to pace times and Meg and I had to separate. We hugged, started to get teary and then separated. I was standing there by myself, feeling really nervous and then I spotted Carolyn, my other running buddy! I was so happy to see her and we were starting at the same pace so we could hang out until we started. She and I both started running last year and have both been on a weight loss journey. She has lost somewhere around 60 pounds and this is her second 1/2 marathon. We were standing there shivering talking about where we were a year ago and then I spotted this sign:

We both started crying at that point and I was like, great, I am not going to be able to breathe from crying! Then, we were off. I finally made it across the start line at 7:16 a.m. Carolyn was in my sight for a good part of the start and I put in my one headphone and started listening to the book, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I cannot listen to music when I run because it screws up my pace, but listening to a book, especially one I've read or listened to before, is the perfect distraction for me. I can stay focused on running but have the story to keep my mind from going over to the dark, doubting, scary, you-can't-do-this side. I am huge Harry Potter freak and I love all of the books, so listening to it was such a comfort to me and I never had a mental moment. Never. I never once thought that I couldn't do this or feel like I was a gerbil on a wheel. It was incredible. First time in a race actually!

Meg and her duck at the start of the race.

At mile two I did get a little twinge in my left knee that scared me. I thought that if it kept up I was really going to struggle through the whole thing. I was on really uneven ground at that point and when the path evened out, my knee did, too, thankfully. I struggled with a couple of side stitches but overall felt great. I realized that I was running around a 12 or 12:30 minute per mile pace and was shocked. I also was afraid that I was going to get worn out so I kept telling myself that at the next mile, I would slow down. But what I realized is that I didn't need to. I didn't care about the time really at all. I just wanted to finish in three hours at least.

When I got to mile 4ish, my friend Deanna was one of the course marshals and seeing her smiling face gave me a real boost (which I really needed) and it got me excited to see Mike, my inlaws and friends at mile 6 where I knew they were waiting for me. My feet felt swift at that point and as I rounded Mile 6, I saw my friend Sarah, who just started running and has lost about 40 pounds (or more at this point) and she had a great sign for me and then started running with me. Then I saw my family and other friends, gave my husband a kiss, high-fived everyone and KEPT GOING!

Sarah (on my left) as I came up to my family and friends at mile 6.

I had a long stretch by myself but my book kept me company and so did some of the other runners. The volunteers were so cheerful, shouting out my name (which was on my bib) along the way. One sign held by a spectator said, "Your mom said to tell you hi!". That made me get teary again, which I had to suppress so I could keep my breathing even.

At one point, the first place marathoner passed me, which was cool to see. I tried to block out the fact that he has run twice as long as I had and that he was passing me. Then about 20 minutes later, the 2nd place marathoner was approaching. People on bikes were leading him getting people out of the way. They were yelling, "Second place runner coming!" I looked at the crowd and said, "I wish they wouldn't tell everyone I was 2nd, I mean, geez, I wanted everyone to be surprised!" That got a good laugh out of the crowd and boosted my spirits a little. Hey, if I can't be fast, I can be funny!

On to the home stretch...my feet were really sore and my hips were stiff. I walked through all of the aid stations, which were plentiful and so well stocked (with both refreshments and cheerleaders) but started right back up running as soon as I finished my water and gatorade and was rounding the corner to my last mile and half. There was Sarah again, who ran with me and reminded me that a mile and a half is nothing. Ha! Yeah, nothing after running almost 12 miles. She was so great though and gave me another boost I needed. I told her, this will be you next year, girl.

My buddy Sue!

Around the corner from the finish, I saw my mother-in-law which helped my feet keep moving, then I saw my friend and running buddy Sue. She was supposed to run the 1/2 but was injured so instead volunteered and was in charge of all of the aid stations. I knew that's what they were so great, she is the best and always takes such good care of all of us. She hugged me and ran and cheered me on through the "tunnel" as I called it to the finish line. I heard everyone cheering but couldn't see anything except that finish. I was bawling at this point and I heard the annoucer call my name and say, "YOU ARE A 1/2 MARATHONER!"

Bawling my sweaty head off at the finish.

I finished. No, I kicked ass.

Seeing my husband, Meg, Carolyn, Sue, my in laws, my friend Marty and her kids, and Sarah was one of the best feelings in the world. I had my medal around my neck. My husband holding me up and heart full of pride and love. What else can a girl ask for? Well, maybe some pancakes.

Finishing strong. Weepy, but strong.

Meg kicking serious ass. Finished in 2:12

Another awesome sign, made by Sarah!

A picture says a thousand words. This one says, "where are my pancakes?"

Besides my medal, I got this reward bracelet from my 6-year-old friend Cate. She's awesome.

Hell yes!

Hell isn't cold...

I always say that if I ever went to Hell it would be cold, not hot. Well, Hell isn't cold...it's running in high humidity.

I did a 7 mile training run this morning at 6:30 a.m. It was gray and dreary out and around 70 degrees. Perfect running weather...I thought. Then I stepped outside. It was like breathing water. Then I got started and it was like breathing water while wearing lead pants.

Whenever I run, the first and last miles are the hardest for me. The first mile is the hardest physically...getting my legs warmed up, getting my stupid asthmatic lungs working properly, getting my head in the game. The last mile is the hardest mentally...fighting the ever present urge to slow down, to walk, to quit. So I just kept telling myself that once I got past that first mile, I'd be okay. At mile two I was still in wounded wildebeest mode (huffing, sweating, coughing, attempting forward motion that sort of looked like running), not helped by the fact that as I was passing a flock of ducks on the river, one of them started quacking at me and it sounded so much like real laughter that I actually yelled at the duck to f*ck off. Then I laughed at myself, convincing myself it would get better and talking myself out of quitting.

I was sweating so much that headphones wouldn't stay in.

I was sweating so much I finished all of the water and Gatorade in my fuel belt about 3/4 of the way through just shy of 7 miles because I really, truly couldn't go another step, even to round my run out to an even 7.

I was sweating so much my husband looked at me like I was an inch from death when I walked through the door.

I was still sweating when I got out of my (cold) shower.

I just stopped sweating...6 hours after I finished my run.

This Half Marathon can't get here soon enough. I want to go back to running 5Ks, and 5Ks only. Screw the Vortex. 

Delusions of Grandeur

The Fox Valley Half Marathon is in two weeks. I can't believe it! Man this summer has flown by. I have been so busy training, working and volunteering that I haven't had a chance to blog. So much great stuff has happened and I've been dying to get it all on paper (well, virtual paper that is).

Aside from cool stuff like two of my friends doing their very first 5Ks (way to go Ann Marie and Sarah!) I have been training like a beast for this Half Marathon. Oh, and eating like one too. I don't know if it's psychosomatic or what but I feel like all of this training is making me hungrier than normal (and I'm always frickin' hungry) but I can't get enough food in my gob. I'm fighting it every day but have gained about 5 pounds. I've leveled off but am working really hard (still effing trying) to get below 200 pounds. I know someday I will get there. I just have to keep plugging along.

My friend Sarah and I at her first 5K. I didn't get to do Ann Marie's with her but am doing one with her in November!

Last Sunday, I was scheduled to do a 7 mile training run. I usually try to run with friends when I can but sometimes end up doing it by myself. Since I can't run to music (it screws up my pace), I've been listening to audiobooks to help the time go by. It's actually really effective. Anyway, because I wasn't meeting anyone, I kept hitting snooze, and kept hitting snooze, and kept hitting snooze. My friend and running buddy Sue was doing the Chicago Triathlon that morning and on my third snooze I thought of her and told myself to get my sorry ass out of bed. Sue is 50-something and this time last year was a relatively new runner like me. And this time two years ago, she couldn't walk up her stairs without having to take a break half way through. The woman rocks and here I was slacking on a training run. So I got up and I did it and thought of her swimming in Lake Michigan and thanked my lucky stars that all I had to do was 7 miles.

(Left) Sue and I last October at the NAMI 5K. (Right) Sue and I this year at the Batavia Triathlon.
P.S. I look like shit in hats.

When I finally made it out on my run (an hour later than I had intended) I inadvertently got mixed in with a different Half Marathon that was going on in my town. As I left my house and started out on my running route, I noticed all of these volunteers and police in my neighborhood looking anxiously down the street. I asked them what was going on and they told me about the "Other Half"going on and that I was in front of all of the runners so just to keep an eye out. Coming out of my neighborhood and heading toward the running path on the Fox River, I started down this huge hill and realized as I was coming over the peak of the hill that at the bottom of it were about 50 people waiting for the runners to come by to cheer for them. Now, remember that the volunteer about two blocks back told me I was ahead of all of the runners. So, these spectators see me plodding down the hill and start slowly clapping and looking at me quizzically like "you are the head of this pack?"   I was so embarrassed so I took my headphones out and (breathlessly and sweatily) start awkwardly explaining that I was just out on a training run but, ha ha, thanks for cheering me on for my training, ha ha, red face, cough, cough, wink, wink. Some people got the joke and then cheered me on anyway, others rolled their eyes and were like, "where are the real runners?" Well, they didn't say that but were probably thinking it.

So now I'm about a mile and a half in and the fast runners start zooming past me. I've never been at the front of the pack in a race so I started pretending that I was beating them. Then again started to make awkward jokes to the spectators that "hey, I was just beating these guys, what's going on?" Delusions of Grandeur? Sure. But hey, if I had to be out there for an hour and a half running by myself, I was going to make it entertaining. It was fun seeing all of the runners and got me so excited about my upcoming Half. 13.1 miles. Damn that's far.

In addition to doing this Half Marathon for myself, I also am raising money for an amazing organization called The Gateway for Cancer Research. If you can, please check out my story and donate to this very worthy cause if you can here.

And, one last favor (and this one is FREE and easy). The philanthropic organization I am currently president of (Les Dames d'Escoffier - Chicago Chapter) is holding a huge fundraiser next weekend to raise money for scholarships for female culinary students and for our other community outreach programs (you should try to come if you can, it's going to be fabulous!). One of the ways we are raising money is to ask people to please sign up for a free newsletter from Make it Better. For every person who signs up for this free e-newsletter, Make it Better will donate $5 to our charity. Would you please do this for me? I would really appreciate it. You can sign up here: http://makeitbetter.net/lesdames-fundraiser (please share this link as well and ask your friends and family to do the same!)

Okay...more stories to come but wish me luck in these last two weeks of training!

Auntie Em! Auntie Em! It's a Twister!

My sister Jackie completed her very first 5K race today! I am so incredibly proud of her.

Me and my sis...I am so proud of her!

She really loved it and wants to do another one! Ahhhh, she is getting sucked into the Running Vortex. I named that need to keep running faster and further the Running Vortex. It's a slippery little slope for me because last time I got sucked into it, I did the Indianapolis 1/2 Marathon in 2004 and had such a horrible time of it that I came shooting out the other end of that Vortex and landed firmly in the Land of Couch, on top of the Runner in me with my great big house and she shriveled up and died. And there I stayed for 7 years (and didn't even get any cute shoes out of it, mind you!).

Well, I woke up from my 7 year trip to the Land of Couch and started running/training again last year.
I have been very careful to keep an eye on the Running Vortex radar. I've stuck pretty much to 5Ks and a little longer races (8K, 10K) and have recently begun training for the Fox Valley 1/2 Marathon in September. Oh God, those winds are kicking up and the sky is turning a little green. Tommy Skilling's voice is getting higher. Okay, I'm in the f*cking Vortex.

But I really, really want to stay here. I don't want to click my running shoe heels together and wake up 265 pounds again. I am scared shitless about this 1/2 Marathon and don't want to start hating running like I did last time. My head is in such a better place this time around and I am actually training properly, but I am still scared. I have been overeating the last couple of days and need to get my head back in the game. I had a horrible run this morning at the 5K and am feeling blue. Granted, it was 89 degrees at 8:00 a.m. and about 100 percent humidity and I still did the race in around 36 minutes, as opposed to the 56 minutes it took me this time last year.

Left: Windmill Whirl 5K 2011 (finished in 56-ish minutes). Right: Windmill Whirl 2012 (finished in 36-ish minutes)

I'm just letting the Vortex get to my head and all of my running demons are flying by on broomsticks past my window, right? Where the hell is Glinda when I need her?

LAST DAY - Weight Loss Diary Blog - Birth Day

It's my last day of my DAILY weight loss diary blog. My weight - 203.7. I didn't reach my goal of getting below 200 by my birthday and that...well, that sucks.

I have to say, though, while I am feeling a little blue today because I didn't reach this goal, I don't have the birthday blues. Some people get depressed on their birthdays because they are getting older. I, however, feel better than I have in many, many years. So on this, my 38th birthday, I am proud, excited, reflective and nervous about the upcoming year.

What a difference a year makes!

In the last year I've done almost 10 races (5K - 8K, triathlon), lost 60 pounds, was on the Food Network, will celebrate my 5 year wedding anniversary, became President of the Chicago Chapter of Les Dames d'Escoffier, changed jobs, celebrated my 20 year high school reunion, am going in to my 8th year of having my monthly Dinner Club, celebrated 25 and 27 years of friendship with my two best friends and have had more fun and worked harder than I have in a long, long time.

I'm nervous about the upcoming year because I have some big demands on me professionally that I will have to balance with getting these last 40 pounds off and trying to have a family. I hope I can have it all.

Thanks for sticking with me on this (mostly) daily weight loss journal. I am going to go back to blogging weekly. This daily thing was too much for me and I think I will be much better off talking weekly about my training, weight loss, diet and exercise plans and the crazy stuff that always seems to happen along the way. Your support and encouragement means more to me that I could ever express in this blog. Thanks for pulling for me and believing in me. I couldn't do this without you! xo 

Day 31 - Weight Loss Diary - Head in the Game

It's Day 31 of my daily weight loss diary blog - 203.9. I had a wonderful dinner with my inlaws last night. It was decadent but I didn't go insane. A couple of glasses of wine and I had the fish, which was amazing. I am so excited for tomorrow morning because I am going running! For the first time in a week and a half. I'm nervous about my calf. It feels pretty good and like I can run on it. I just don't want to reinjure it. I am going to take it easy for sure. I'll let you know how it goes!

Day 30 - Weight Loss Diary Blog - Countdown

It's Day 30 of my daily weight loss diary blog. 203.4. Do you think I can lose 4 pounds by Tuesday? Probably not but I'm sure gonna try.

I have a fancy dinner out tonight to a winery with my in-laws for my birthday and my Father-in-law's birthday. It's a really sweet tradition we started because we have birthdays within a week of each other and then we do it again in the Fall for my husband's and his stepmom's (my step-mother-in-law) birthdays which are also relatively close. I am so lucky that I have in-laws that I love and enjoy spending time with. That is including my husband's mom too. Some people struggle with one mother-in-law. I have two and they rock.

I have a family picnic tomorrow with my side of the family...another food trap. I am going to stay strong and do my best to lose these last 4 pounds. If I don't meet my goal (losing it by my birthday on July 3), I am going to come up with a new strategy.

Days 28 and 29 - Weight Loss Diary Blog - Culinerapy

It's Day 29 of my daily weight loss diary blog - 203.9. Yesterday I weighed in on Meg's scale at 205.7. Last night was my last overnight in the city, for now. I will miss Meg and her wondercat, Moxie. But I will be happy to be home more, that's for sure! Next week is finals and then I start a new quarter with new classes and new students - and a new (AND WAY BETTER) schedule!

I am still babying my calf, icing it and taking Aleve and will try to run on it on Sunday. For now I am doing modified bootcamp (I've been calling it one legged bootcamp) and biking. I am resting today though because it feels like a convection oven outside.

I posted this pic on Facebook earlier - with the post: "Icing my calf with frozen haricot vert and thinking about all of the ways I want to cook them. Culinerapy?"

The real stars of this photo are not the hericot vert, nor my poorly painted toes. Not even my semi-folded laundry. No, they're the beasts...Fifi (orange one on the left) and Pod (on my lap). Talk about therapy!

I actually really like the idea of "Culinerapy" - coping the culinary way. One of the ways I've been working on my weight loss is with my therapist and figuring out coping mechanisms that aren't eating! But maybe there are other things I can do with food to make my life better? Food is already my blessing (my livelihood) and my curse (hello, I wasn't on a show called FAT CHEF for nuthin'). Using frozen hericot vert to ice my calf while developing recipes using the little beauties for upcoming books or newsletters was very productive! 

What other ways can we use food that isn't "eating" it per se? Thoughts my brilliant readers?

Day 26 - Weight Loss Diary Blog - Stupid Calf (not the baby cow)

It's Day 26 of my daily weight loss diary blog. Still 205.6. My calf still hurts but it is not as badly. I went to bootcamp last night and did as much as I could, one legged. I was able to do almost everything except jumping jacks. I jumped rope on one leg (not fun) and the rest of it was mostly upper body stuff so I lucked out. I biked today - 11 miles. My calf felt great during the bike and then I tried walking on it afterward...not so much. Aleve and ice. Aleve and ice. Aleve and ice. I'd better be able to run on Sunday...I'm giving it til then to get better or it's gonna get it! Stupid Calf.

Okay, this is a stupid calf. Almost as stupid as mine. Photo Source

Day 25 - Weight Loss Diary - Stress

It's Day 25 of my daily weight loss diary blog - 205.6 still today. I am super stressed right now over a myriad of things, but mostly because I still have this pulled muscle in my calf and can't run. My 1/2 Marathon training was supposed to start this week. I am going to put it off until this calf is healed but it is making me crazy not being able to run. Running also helps my stress level and so I'm feeling sort of off the charts mental today.

Many of you have asked me what my training looks like for the 1/2 marathon. Here it is:

Days twenty-three and twenty-four Weight Loss Diary Blog

It's Day Twenty Four of my daily weight loss diary blog. Yesterday I was 204.6 and today I was 205.6. My 30 year reunion was last night and it was a complete blast. It was so good to see everyone and catch up with old friends. It felt like old times just with a bigger and better perspective on life. I am exhausted tonight, hence the late post. Til tomorrow!

CORRECTION: It was my 20 year reunion, not 30! Ha! I was so tired writing this!

Day 22 - Weight Loss Diary Blog - Nostalgia

It's Day 22 of my daily weight loss diary blog! 203.9 today...like it.

I really pulled that  muscle in my calf. I tried running this morning and couldn't which made me super crabby...so much so that my neighbor and running friend asked me if I had PMS. Since I had to stop running, we went kayaking on a beautiful part of the Fox River and it put me in a much better mood.

Then I got to have lunch with a old friend who is in town for the reunion. She is just (or more) beautiful as she was in High School and so incredibly nice, again, as she was in High School. It was wonderful catching up with her. It's so funny, because I told her how much I admired her in high school and how beautiful I always thought she was and she said to me, "I wish you would have told me that back then, I was so insecure." I was like, "YOU WERE INSECURE!?!" She was like a supermodel and I remember envying her so much. It just goes to show that you never know what others are going through and we sure as hell wasted a good part of our youth worrying about stupid shit. I was so happy to see her and reconnect and cannot wait for my 20 year reunion tomorrow night. I can't wait to see what the evening brings!

Day Twenty-One - Weight Loss Diary Blog - Feeling Good

It's Day Twenty-One of my daily weight loss diary blog. 205.4. Going back down...good!

The weekend and 20 year reunion is looming and I don't want to go completely off the rails like I did last weekend.

I am feeling really nostalgic so I started flipping through all of my old photo albums. I've always loved taking photos and as much as I love digital photography and having everything readily available at my fingertips, I do miss actual photographs and putting together photo albums. I don't have the patience to "scrapbook" per se, but I do love flipping through all of my old albums. And I have a lot of them. I guess I've always been an observer and have always loved documenting life.

I'm actually not in a ton of my own photo albums, it's mostly my friends and family, but it is always fun to look back. What struck me today looking at these photos is how long I have been friends with my closest friends. To look back twenty years and constantly see the same faces is such a comfort.  I am blessed with wonderful group of friends in my life who are smart, beautiful, and hilarious. I'm a lucky girl. Add my husband to that mix and my cup runneth over.

So, I am looking forward to catching up with some other old friends this weekend, seeing what everyone is up to and having a great time. These days, it's easier to keep up with people because of Facebook, etc. but it will be great to actually see everyone in person.

At the end of my run yesterday I started feeling like I pulled a muscle in my right calf. I am babying it today because I don't want to actually injure it. I think it's just a strained muscle but I can't afford an injury right now. Too focused! So, lots of Aleve, ice and staying off of it. I have to teach tonight but I am just going to be careful.

Day Twenty - Weight Loss Diary - Focus!

It's Day Twenty of my daily weight loss diary blog and I did not weigh in this morning. I was in the city overnight again and AGAIN forgot to get my friend's scale from her bathroom before I went to bed.

Did Freud say "there are no accidents." Maybe I didn't forget...maybe I was just being lazy.

My birthday is looming and I fear I'll never reach my goal. Been on track all week food-wise so far and had a very hot run today in the city on the lakefront. Happily, on my way back from my run, Buckingham Fountain was spouting and the wind helped offer a nice spray so I ran through it and cooled off a bit. I even laughed while I did it along with all of the little kids who were running through it. It was a nice moment and a reminder that you have to stop and smell the roses every once in a while (or run through a fountain spray).

Day Nineteen - Weight Loss Diary - 20 Years

It's Day Nineteen of my daily weight loss diary blog - 208.1 this morning. Yuck (actually I said a work that rhymes with Yuck but starts with an "F" very loudly this morning when I weighed in). The weekend is really catching up with me.

I did a hard bootcamp last night and went on a long and hot bike ride today. Been logging the grub religiously the last two days and will continue to do so all week.

The problem? My 20 year high school reunion is this weekend at a brewery. Shit. It's going to be a blast...seeing people I haven't seen in 20 years and feeling great about myself. If my reunion was last year at this time, I honestly don't know if I would have gone because I was so miserable about my weight. I probably would have been talked into going but I would have been a wreck about it. Now, I am just happy that I am happy with myself and can concentrate on reconnecting with old friends rather than worrying about if they are going to judge me or not.

Oh the late eighties, early nineties...how tacky you were!

20 years is a very significant number for me. It's about how long I've been struggling with obesity. I was overweight in high school a little but my real issues started my senior year into my freshman year of college when my dad died - 20 years ago. I haven't been under 200 pounds in 20 years. 20 YEARS. It seems like such a long time but it also feels like it went by in a flash. How am I going to my 20 year reunion? It is pretty monumental to me that in this 20th year of my struggles that I am on the road to fixing this issue I have been battling with for so long. 20 years. I hope in 20 years from now, I can look back at this and celebrate 20 years of a healthy life.

Days 16, 17 and 18 - Weight Loss Diary - Bad Girl

I was a bad girl this weekend and I couldn't face the music. I weighed in on Saturday and was 203.7...yay! Then I had Dinner Club Saturday night and went a little nuts. The food was actually quite healthy (minus the cake balls, of which I ate three), but I drank a lot of wine. I actually ended up staying the night because I couldn't drive. It was pretty funny the next morning doing the "walk of shame" with my dress rolled up in a ball in a plastic grocery bag and sheepishly walking to my car wearing my friend Meg's sweats and my high heels from the night before. I'm sure I looked a spectacle but at least it was innocent enough. I came home and crashed then went to Indiana to see my family and ate a lot there, too.

So, I weighed in this morning and was 207.4. Eeeep. Paying the piper. I don't think I actually gained 4 pounds in two days, but I am bloated and gross from pretending like was a member of the Rolling Stones (circa 1980) this weekend. It's fun to party like a rock star every once in a while though, even if afterwards I look like Mick Jagger (circa 2012).

I did run with the Fox Valley Marathon training group this weekend. I did well...ran about an 11 and a half / 12 minute mile for 5 miles. Running with strangers makes me super agitated though and I am not sure I will go back. Everyone was nice enough but I am so mental when I run and being with strangers makes me a little nutso and is reminiscent of when I trained with the Boston Marathon runners 10 years ago for the Indianapolis Half Marathon and promptly quit running. My therapist really earns her money with me.

Day 15 - Weight Loss Diary - Jamboree

It's Day 15 of my DWLDB - 204.5. Last night's class was a Food Jamboree. I took some pics so you can get a visual of how much food I am surrounded by in this class.

These are my "tasting plates" - each group give me 2-3 small plates that I can taste and critique for grading. Most of these are more than one bite and they are so yummy. On these platters (clockwise starting in upper left corner): Hericot Vert and Fennel Salad, Fried Oyster Po'Boy Sandwich, Jambalaya and Cheddar Grits, Bread Pudding with Bourbon Sauce, Paneed (fried) Chicken with fresh Fettucine, Leeks with Hollandaise Sauce, Shrimp and Chicken etoufee, Shrimp Bisque, Fried fish with Remoulade Sauce, Glazed Carrots, Red Beans and Rice, Gumbo and Rice. Whew! That's a lot of frickin' food.

Okay, so that's the food that I taste. I try not to eat all of it, but it's damn hard.

This is what the students put out for everyone to eat from:

That's a lot of food!

I'm doing my first training run for the Fox Valley Half Marathon tomorrow with a training group. I'm normally not a fan of running with training groups because I'm slow and it makes me a little mental. Okay, a lot mental. I'll see how the first one goes. It's 5 miles and it's supposed to be hot, but it's at 6:30 a.m. so I think I'll be okay. I've done the distance but not with strangers. I just need to stay focused on me and not worry about anyone else.

Day Fourteen - Weight Loss Diary - Yo!

Yo! It's Day Fourteen of my daily weight loss diary blog (or the DWLDB). 204.6. Finally, the post-tri bloat fest is deflating. I feel like such a Yo-Yo, though. Am I ever going to get below 200?

Tonight is going to be tough class...Cajun and Creole food. Yum. In this class (American Regional Cuisine), the students work in three teams to execute three different menus and have to either plate the food like they would at a restaurant or set up a buffet. Everyone sits in the dining room and tastes all of the food and we talk about cooking techniques, local ingredients to that region and customs and traditions of that region. It is a really cool class and all of my students are awesome. It's always interesting and the food is always good. It is so hard not to overeat.

My strategy lately has been to have them make me a very small tasting plate of each of their dishes (which leaves me with 10-12 tasting plates) and I take my tasting plates in the dining room and just eat those while the students hit the buffet. I critique the food (too salty, not salty enough, meat doneness is just right, overdone, underdone, etc.) and tell myself I am only going to eat what is on my tasting plate and not go up for seconds. I make them, literally, give me one bite of food of each of their dishes so it really equates to about a full meal, sometimes a little more. If I go up for seconds, well, that's way overdoing it.

Last week I went up for seconds just of the meat (lamb roast) and fish (halibut) and had a little extra soba noodles. I try to avoid seconds anything fried, or "white" (rice, bread, potatoes, etc.) and have been okay at it. Tonight will be tough. I love Cajun food.

Yesterday, with the cookies, it was easier not to taste anything in class because I was grading them more on the technique and the doneness of all of the cookies as well as the decorating. I didn't have to taste them to grade them. If I don't have to taste at all, it's much easier not to eat the food. It's the little tiny taste that whets my palate and then, well, it's 1000 times more difficult. Especially the savory food. I love sweets but can live without them. Try to take away crunchy, salty, chewy, meaty, cheesy food from me and, well, you may draw back a bloody stump.

I am so lucky because I love my job but it sure makes this whole weight loss thing difficult. But, I had this same problem when I wasn't a chef, so, I really can't blame my job. I mean, I know a lot of healthy, fit chefs. I will figure this out and, yes, the taking the stairs can help (a la Robert's solution on Fat Chef for me) but I need to learn to control myself too. I want the change more than I want the food. I have to remember that. Tell that to the Shrimp Etoufee looming in my future. 

Day Thirteen - Weight Loss Diary - Fail

It's Day Thirteen (on the 13th no less!) of my daily weight loss diary blog and my weight is...um...I forgot to weigh in the morning.

I told you last week how I stay the night in the city on Tuesday nights because I teach late on Tuesdays and then really early on Wednesdays. It's a 45 mile drive each way, so...I stay in the city. I was so tired last night that I forgot to ask Meg if I could take her scale into the bathroom I use in the morning and so, well, I forgot to weigh in. I didn't want to go tip-toeing into her bedroom, past her bed into her bathroom to try and snag the scale. First of all, if she woke up and saw me tip-toeing past her bed, that would be creepy and second of all, she has an adorable and totally insane cat who I didn't want to disturb. It was 5:30 a.m., after all. So, I didn't weigh in. Bad me.

I feel less puffy today, though, and I've been surrounded by effing cookies and cupcakes all day and I didn't touch a g-damn one of them. And I went running. Phew, I'm exhausted. I get to sleep in tomorrow, thank God! But my night class is making Cajun and Creole food tomorrow...not going nuts on that food will be WAY harder than avoiding the cupcake and cookie extravaganza that's going on around here right now.

Day Twelve - Weight Loss Diary - Water Balloon

It's Day Twelve of my daily weight loss diary blog! 208.2...UGH! I woke up so swollen this morning, I looked like I had been injected with water. My face looked like a water balloon. Yuk! I am hoping that the post-triathlon-refueling-and-hydration-extravaganza will start to wear off soon and I will feel normal again.

I experienced the hugest boost to my ego today. My dear friend, Meg, is a 5th grade teacher at an elementary school on the West Side of Chicago and she invited me to spend the day with her 5th graders and do a cooking project with them based on Roald Dahl's (author of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, James and the Giant Peach, etc.) cookbook, "Revolting Recipes." Part of the cooking project was that the students had to research me and do a PowerPoint presentation on my work and life. OMG I was dying! They were so flattering and so adorable. It was both surreal and touching at the same time. I felt like such a rockstar. I happen to big on the 5th grade circuit, who knew! ;-)

At the end of the day, one of the kids gave me a homemade bookmark she made for me and as I was leaving they were shouting, "We love you Chef Jen". I wanted to die it was so frickin' cute. Holy shit, though, there is no way I could do that every day for a living. I was exhausted by the end of the day. I don't know how Meg and all of the other elementary, middle and high school teachers do it. You have to be a special kind of person to dedicate your life to teaching children and I am in awe.

Check out some of these PowerPoints, they are so adorable:

Love the "Eye of the Tiger"

One of the kids asked me for my autograph...I was dying! It was so sweet!

Damn Right!

Worlds Greatest Chef! Come on!!!!! How frickin' cute is that. 

Pretty? Seriously, my heart was bursting.

Days Ten and Eleven - Weight Loss Diary Blog

I missed posting yesterday because of the Batavia Triathlon (I even forgot to weigh in because I was so focused on the race). Today I weighed in at 207.5 which is a huge jump from Saturday. I know, though, that it is because of the race yesterday. I was am so full of water, Gatorade, salt and pancakes from yesterday and am beyond bloated so I knew my weight would be high today. Hopefully in the next couple of days it will go back down and then continue to go down. I am going to write about the triathlon in a separate blog post but I wanted to get this one out there, especially since I forgot yesterday. The race was amazing and I can't wait to tell you all about it! In the meantime, here's a little pic from yesterday!

DONE!

Day Nine - Weight Loss Diary Blog - 545th Place

Day Nine of my daily weight loss diary blog - 203.2. Like it...one of the only times when losing is good. Well, that's not true, really. I came in last place in the Batavia Triathlon last year. 545th place to be exact. So I lost. BIG TIME. But did I really? Some people consider anything other than first place losing. I sure as hell don't. I finished. And because I finished, I won. And I will win again tomorrow. Maybe not a medal. Maybe not a trophy. Maybe not even in the top 500. But I will finish. I will win. And I'll keep going on Monday. I can't believe it's been a year since I began this journey. More than that, really. It's amazing what can happen in a year. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. It's supposed to be 90 degrees tomorrow. I will need them.

What a difference a year makes!

Day Eight - Weight Loss Diary - NERVOUS!

It's Day Eight of my daily weight loss diary blog - 204.1. I am SO NERVOUS about the Triathlon on Sunday. I have had a super busy week and a super busy weekend and I am so unorganized for this triathlon. Last year by this time, I had my prep list done, and I was nervous but ready. This year...I don't even know where my bathing suit is right now. Holy crap!

Here I am coming into the finish of the 2011 Batavia Triathlon last year...laughing, bawling, barely able to breathe. Wonder what this year will be like?

Day Seven - Weight Loss Diary - Bleh

 It's Day Seven of my daily weight loss diary blog. I am at 204.9. Bleh is all I can say. I am not letting myself get mental over it, though.

I am not really working out this week because the Batavia Triathlon is Sunday and I am saving my legs for the 400m Swim, the 14.7 mile bike ride and the 4.1 mile run. Whew, it's going to be tough. I am stressed to say the least.

I am working on keeping my head in the game but it's very difficult to lose weight when you're not working out, unless you are starving yourself and who the hell wants to do that? I couldn't starve myself even if I wanted to (and again, who the hell would want to?) because of my job. I have to taste my students' food for a living and dammit if they aren't all doing really well this quarter and cooking some kick-ass food. Poor me, right?


Be sure to join me and my local "Fat Chef on Food Network" trainer, Chris Hylton of River West Family Fitness at the Batavia Green Walk 2012 on Friday, June 8 from 5-8 in downtown Batavia, Illinois. I'll be doing cooking demonstrations and Chris will lead one of his FAMOUS Bootcamp classes at 6:30 in the bandshell. Hope to see you there!

Day Six - Weight Loss Diary - Mental

It's Day Six of my daily weight loss diary blog! Okay, before I post my weight, I have a little disclaimer. I weighed myself on a different scale this morning. Because of my teaching schedule, I stay the night in the city on Tuesday nights because I teach late on Tuesday night and early on Wednesday morning. It's a 45 mile drive each way to home from work, so one of my dear friends lets me crash in her spare bedroom on Tuesday nights.

So, anyway, I weighed in on her scale at 205.6 this morning. I'm trying not to be mental about it. I will see what is on my scale tomorrow. Til then!

Day Five - Weight Loss Diary - Positive Thinking

It's Day Five of my daily weight loss diary blog - 202.4! Holy crap, what the hell is going on? I haven't lost a pound in two months and this week I've lost 5. WTF?

I wish I could say I've been working out like a madwoman and eating nothing but grilled fish and broccoli but that's so far from the truth. I have been working out regularly, but not excessively at all. I have also been very conscience of what I've been eating and logging most of it, but again, not super regimented.

I have to think it's a couple of factors that are contributing to the weight loss. One is booze. I stopped indulging in my wine and Skinnygirl Margaritas on the weekends. It is rare that I ever drink during the week but on the weekends, I love sitting on my deck with my beloved and our friends and drinking wine or cocktails. However, I'm not really a one-glass-of-wine-kinda-girl and I tend to want several glasses. Several glasses usually leads to overeating and I think that has become my cycle the last couple of months. Now, I'm not saying I'll never drink again, but until I get to my goal, I am going to have to stay a teetotaler except for very special occasions. While depressing, I want this change more than I want Sauvignon Blanc (most days at least). Sigh. 

The other factor, I think, is positive thinking. I know that sounds like I'm an Oprah-drone hippy, but I have to say, I really do believe it. Whether you believe in God, or the Universe, or Budda, or all of it, or whatever it is you believe in, I really feel like me writing this blog and putting it out there that I am going to do this and having some faith is helping me make it happen. I have been in a really bad place the last two months and finally feel like I am coming out of it. Positivity really makes a difference in my life and when I feel positive, positive things happen. I'm not saying I have a vision board and light candles to a picture of size 8 pants or anything, but I am being nicer to myself and focusing on the change in my life rather than what I'm not accomplishing. That has to count for something, right?

Day Four - Weight Loss Diary - Focus

It's Day Four of my daily weight loss diary blog and I am at 204.2. Steadily going down which is what I want to see!

Opposite of most people, I am more regimented and can focus more on my weight loss and fitness goals on the weekend rather than during the week. With my teaching schedule and my commute it has been very hard for me to stay consistent with eating, especially with teaching Baking and Pastry as well as American Regional Cuisine. Both classes result in loads of very yummy and unhealthy food. My other class I am teaching, Garde Manger, has equally delicious food but does not have the variety or quantity that these other two classes have and it's more manageable to not over eat in that class. Except for last week when we did a cheese tasting and made cheese. I LOVE CHEESE!

Cheese tasting plate - starting at 12 o'clock - Brie, Aged Cheddar, Horseradish Cheddar, Manchego, Same Manchego with Fig and Black Tea Preserves, Raw Sheep's Milk Manchego, 5 Year Aged Gouda, Smoked Gouda with Cumin, St. Agur Bleu (the best bleu cheese I've ever had in my life) and Extra Sharp Vermont Cheddar.