Half a Billion Dreams

One of my favorite things to do with my husband is dream about what we would do if we won the lottery. With the big 500 million dollar prize looming, it’s even more fun to fantasize about. Truthfully, I can’t even imagine what half a billion dollars looks like, but I sure know how I want to spend it. And yes, I know it wouldn’t really be 500 million dollars after taxes and all that, blah blah blah, and I know I have a better chance being killed by a vending machine than winning that money but stop being a buzz kill and fantasize along with me for a moment.

I like to think that the first thing I would do would be something charitable but honestly, the first thing I would do would take a sabbatical (ha, like a 50 year sabbatical) from work and Mike and I would go to the fanciest fat farm in the world (I’m thinking Sweden or somewhere amazing like that) for two months and finally get down to my goal weight and then have plastic surgery to tone up all of the loose skin I would inevitably have. God is that shallow, or what? But I would totally do it.

I would, of course, ensure my and my husband’s entire families and closest friends were set up for the rest of their lives with college funds, paid off mortgages and other debts, etc. and invest a ton of it to live off the interest, etc. That’s the boring stuff. Important, but boring.

I would rent the entire Fiji Islands and bring all of my friends and family there for a week long party.

I would set up a foundation to pay off the college debt of recent graduates who put themselves through school with hard work and sacrifice. I’ve seen too many scholarships go to waste and don’t you think it would be so awesome to work your ass off to get through school and then have someone pay off all of your school debt and give you like $50,000 to start your life off right? And it would be a surprise at graduation for them. God, I love the thought of that! That’s a serious life changer.

I’d buy houses in San Francisco, Chicago, New York City, Breckenridge (or whatever ski town Mike wants), Marathon Key and Florence, Italy and full staff to take care of them so that Mike and I (or our friends and family) could go to any of them at any time we felt like it.

I’d call up Michael Kors and ask him if I could buy part of his company and be his business partner (and ask him to be my gay boyfriend) and wear nothing but his clothes for the rest of my life.

I’d start a school or foundation for overweight culinary students to teach them how to be healthy, lose weight, and become practitioners of healthy lifestyles to help change the foodservice industry.

I’d buy the house next door to Ina Garten (Barefoot Contessa) and weasel my way into her life so we’d become lifelong friends and drink tea together from the freshly grown mint in our gardens and swap recipes and ideas for how to use hydrangeas. God, I just broke out into a sweat.

I’d make sure Robert Brace (my trainer from Fat Chef) and Chris my local trainer could both work out with me every day. You know, I’d just fly them in for the workout and fly them back home afterwards, wherever Mike and I were that week.

And I would have spa treatments every day.

Okay so the majority of that is really shallow and you all know that, of course, I would give a huge portion of the money to the right charities (ones that actually get amazing things done) but this is a fantasy and I want Ina Garten to be my tea-drinking buddy. Even if I have to buy her love.