Ma’am, Put Down the Birthday Cake

Oh my God I am so nervous about my show airing tomorrow (Fat Chef on Food Network, Thursday, March 1, 10/9C).

Did I mention I am a stress eater? It’s been killing me not to go face down in a birthday cake all week. I haven’t done it but all I can think about is what they are going to show on my episode and how badly I want to eat an entire sheet cake with extra icing. I won’t do it. But, damn, do I want to. That’s the old me, though. I don’t drown my feelings with food anymore. Doesn’t mean I can’t think about it.

Every time I think about the show I get this “clunk” in the pit of my stomach. Don’t get me wrong, I know what I signed up for and I don’t regret a thing I said or did. I was 100 percent me and 100 percent real the whole time. But I don’t necessarily want to relive some of those incredibly sad and vulnerable times in my life (not to mention the jiggly, sweaty, red faced, cursing and crying moments either).

The thing is, I am not a Fat Chef anymore, and I don’t want to see myself that way again. I’m over it. Done. Finito. Fin. I have completely and utterly adopted this Healthy Chef lifestyle. It’s who I am. It’s what I do. So I think my anxiety is about seeing that old me. It’s like an ex who you loved but you know wasn’t at all right for you and staying with him would have been the end of you. It’s best to let them go and never see them again. I don’t want to see the old me again. I guess it’s a good reminder, though, so that history doesn’t repeat itself.

My workout regimen has been great. Running 3-4 days per week and doing Bootcamp class 3-4 days per week. I try to “net” 1000 calories per day. So anything I eat over 1000 calories I try to burn off with working out except on my rest day. I try to keep that a low calorie day. It’s been working most days. I have the occasional high calorie day and the occasional crappy workout, but that’s life. If I can’t figure out how to roll with those punches, well, I haven’t made much progress then, have I?

I had an incredibly enlightening session with my therapist about the issue of getting under 200 pounds. It’s long and twisty road but it basically boils down to control issues. I’ll get into it in a later blog but I can’t focus on it right now. All I can focus on is keeping my head above water until the show airs. Then I can breathe freely again and move on with the next phase of my life…paying it forward. ‘Til then, pray for me.


Follow me on Twitter @fitfoodiechef. I will live tweet during the show but I won’t be answering any calls or texts until Friday. Xo <3