Sorry it’s been a while since I blogged. I used the excuse of participating in the Food Network Fat Chef program to put off a bunch of stuff for last four months and once the filming was over, it all came crashing down around me. I’ve been picking up the pieces (slowly but surely) at work, home and everywhere else.
It’s been a month since my final weigh in for the show and I have been working out 6 days a week still (just (just, ha!) once a day now though instead of two) and staying on my healthy eating plan for the most part. The food hasn’t really been an issue for me (I can’t believe those words just came out of my mouth!). Whatever switch needed to flip regarding my food issues has flipped and I am not battling with food like I used to. Oh, the occasional food porn on TV will set off a craving, but I am better equipped to deal with that now, rather than before when I would binge after seeing the commercial for the cascading waterfall of potato chips in slow motion set to porn music. My issue has been alcohol. I pretty much stopped drinking during the four months of the Fat Chef program aside from the occasional glass of wine during the holidays or at a wedding. I am still abstaining during the week but it seems like I am reverting a little to old patterns of staying 100 percent on plan during the week and splurging on the weekends. Not with the food so much but I’ve been enjoying copious amounts of wine. I am logging every bite and sip but the indulgences are slowing my weight loss down tremendously.
I’ve lost about 4 pounds since the final weigh in, which is a pound a week and healthy, I know. But I am stuck in a place I’ve been stuck in before and it’s scaring the shit out of me. I am right on the cusp of a new weight decade (and century for that matter) that I haven’t seen in 20 years. I am still in the low 200’s and every time I have lost weight before, I’ve gotten to this point and then gained all of the weight back. It’s some sort of mental block about getting below 200 pounds. Why is it that when I am on the verge of getting to that new beautiful decade and out of the 200’s that I start to slow down, even start sabotaging myself? I don’t know yet, but thankfully I am still in therapy and will be working on it with my therapist. I’ll keep you posted on what I find out. I’ve worked through the emotional eating issues I’ve suffered from for the last 20 years, now it’s on to the next issue of the 190’s mental block.
Back to the booze. I feel like that beautiful, delicious temptress, wine, is the culprit for my slow down. So with Lent arriving today, I’ve decided to (gasp) give up booze for Lent. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m such a devout Catholic, much to my poor, sweet mother’s chagrin. But I have always really loved the idea of Lent culminating with Easter and sacrificing something you love for a greater good. I also love the true meaning of that notion about God and Jesus, but this isn’t a religion blog and I’m not one to discuss religion (or money or politics, for that matter). So, religion and my beliefs aside, I am taking this time during Lent to give up alcohol again (with no special occasions this time) and hope that the sacrifice will refocus my efforts, get me into the 100s and help me get past my mental block that is holding me at a weight that has been my burden for the last 20 years. I know it’s a just a number, but it means something really big to me to beat it.
On a more exciting (and slightly terrifying) note, my episode of Fat Chef airs next Thursday (March 1) on Food Network at 10/9C. Everybody keeps asking me if I’m having a viewing party and my answer is always the same. A resounding “F*ck no!” I’ll be watching it with my husband from under a blanket with a tiny peephole! No, seriously though, I want to watch it alone with Mike first to get through what I know will be a great story but dosed with a plethora of cringe worthy moments for me. A girl can only handle so much.
I will still Tweet live during the episode (@fitfoodiechef) to give you some additional insight that I know they won’t be able to show. So follow me on Twitter and Like me on Facebook (facebook.com/fitfoodiechef) to get the scoop.
Thank you, all of you, for the support, kind words of encouragement and tales of your own weight loss woes and triumphs! It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
It's a number, but important if you think it is! Don't beat yourself up over the slowdown. As you know, we fight that same battle. I am not tempted by drink, my failing is still the food. I just love good food damn it! Still, both food and drink mean calories in. This is the hardest thing I have EVER done and I am so thankful that I have you to watch and share this struggle with. I wanted Paczkis SO badly yesterday. I pictured in my mind going out, buying a dozen and sitting at the kitchen table savorying each one (the yummy rose petal ones!). I decided I needed to do something nice for myself, instead of eating a dozen paczkis, so I took a nice long luxurious nap. Will that work everytime? No. But it worked yesterday and that was all I needed at that moment to distract myself. Take each week, day and moment as you can and be proud of the small victories, but don't languish in the mistakes. So proud to know you Jen. You are incredible, fun and sensitive! I am continuuing on in my struggle in part because you have shown me the way. Thank you! ---Sue
ReplyDeleteJen,
ReplyDeleteYou are such an inspiration! I admire your courage and determination. I have been struggling with my weight and feel paralyzed with embarrassment. I am scared to start exercising because I feel like people will look at me and scoff "keep walking fat girl". I know once I start exercising I will feel better but I keep finding every reason why I can't. With every pound I gain, I feel I am getting buried alive, physically and emotionally. You are such a strong beautiful woman, always have been. I wish I had a fraction of your Perserverance. I am so proud of you!